I have an urge to go to the masseuse. I don’t know why. Maybe because I feel excited. I feel like this could be game changing. Like I’ve found a secret. The way. The way I’ve been looking for so long.
I’ve never managed to quite launch this site. And some part of me still has some doubt. But as an ENFP, we have to organize ourselves not to immediate gratification but to broaden our timelines to include a long term vision. And my long term vision is to have my own platform where I can freely talk about the things I want to talk about without criticism and without the pressure I put on myself to produce perfect content. This is just me. I want to share my self in a raw and unadulterated way. I’ve found that social media doesn’t provide me that. And besides, there’s something about the annonymity of posting this. No one cares. No one knows who you are. I actually don’t have an expectations of growing this beyond what it is. I simply want to create content for my amusement and if I can, for whatever reader stumbles upon my works, can enjoy it for what it is, and perhaps learn something.
Through creating we can better understand ourselves. We can be ourselves. We get to explore and uncover different aspects of our self. And for me, I need that. I’m constantly concerned with questions of identity and meaning. Too much at times. Too many girls have left me because it’s intense. Hell! I want to leave me sometimes because I’m just so goddamn intense. Well, not that I’m necessarily intense per se, but that these thoughts, these ideas…they’re intense.
don’t get me all wrong though. I’m incredibly human sometimes too human. And well besides, I’m tired of bothering my good friend with my random ramblings and intrigues. Atleast here, I can spill my mind and not care to who I gave it to. For if you’ve read this long then I’m assuming you care…or are atleast curious.
and curiousity is what drives me too. I have too many thoughts in my mind. If the average human has like 10k thoughts….or is it 100k? Then if I can just put out say, even 1000 of them, then it’ll decrease the pressure. The momentum of these thoughts. I want to be more present. More present. More present.