Nine on His Last Life

Building a website is damn near impossible. I feel I used to be more tech-savvy but it doesn’t matter. It’s exactly these technical difficulties that always posed an obstacle for me in the past. So much so that it’s discouraged me from really committing from blogging. But that’s only half the truth. The other truth is that I was simply lazy. I want something that will be the least fussy website to manage. Maybe in the future, little by little I’ll get something more cool but for now this works. For what I want to do…this works.

I just want something I can easily post to and ramble on about whatever is going on in my mind. I usually suck at this sorta thing but it doesn’t matter but what matters is that I do it for myself. A lot of times I find myself just thinking, and over-thinking, and not doing anything useful. Not one step closer to achieving my potential. Not one step closer to being who I know I can be.

And I think there is fear there. I’m not used to being confident and certain in my decision making. I’m somewhat comfortable living in fantasy. But enough is enough. I want to actually be the person I want to be. I’m not happy living out how I am. I want. I want. I want.

You want. You can want for so long before you realize, quite literally realize, we have so much power. Our minds have so much power. If I had this idea about creating content and posting it online for awhile now, then why haven’t I committed? And the same can go for all the other projects I leave half-completed. Because, I think, you think, deep down, there is insecurity there. Because achieving your dream life actually requires time and energy and be vulnerable with yourself. Being true to yourself.